PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO BECAUSE MOST OF WHAT I AM TRYING TO COMMUNICATE IS PHRASED BETTER (WAAAY BETTER) IN THE VIDEO!
I can not count to you the number of times an old and sometimes younger male has passed an insulting comment at me or a friend or another female because of something she was wearing. It has happened so many times I have learnt to block it out, not internalise it and not respond. Why is it that people feel they can do that? Why do people think it is okay to say nasty shit to little girls or even grown women? What now hurts the most is even when you want to call that person out, you can’t because you fear they might lash back or respond with more nasty comments or even worse hit you because then again those same people feel like they are entitled to such behaviour because of their gender and what they think it represents.
The reason I felt the need to put this up following the last blog post is because I know that when you wear something as short as the white dress I had on and someone says something disrespectful or is even stupid enough to try touch you funny because they feel entitled to that people will say “boys will be boys” and you are enticing him” or “you can’t walk around wearing that and expect him not to say anything“or some shit like that. I mean yes I expect a male human being to respect that today I chose to wear a short dress and it makes me feel good and I don’t expect you to walk up to me and start being sexual or disrespectful because my short dress does not give consent to anything!
What is more saddening is even a pair of jeans will not stop males from being verbally abusive. I am quite aware of the fact that society allows such to perpetuate. I am part of society too and I know I have’nt taken a stand or done anything about it. Some boys grow up into it because it not frowned upon as much as wearing a short dress is.
This one time a girl put up a picture on instagram doing the splits and some guy felt it was ok for him to write this “Can you do that on the D“. The D is an abbreviation”of the word dick, dick being a penis. I am not even going to try explain how horrifying this is to the person that received it and to the me, the reader. what was more fascinating was the fact that when the girl decide to share that comment on instagram she got a huge backlash even from females who repeated the very degrading, disrespectful “boys will be boys” statement.
My body parts, choice of clothing should not and has never been consent to any sexual advances from anyone, male or female, young or old.
Growing up I used to wear shorts almost all the time but as soon as I turned 13 my mother took away most of my shorts. This one time I found one of them hidden under the mattress and for the life of me I could not understand why she did that. Now though I feel like it was protection is a way. If you don’t wear shorts you don’t give “them”something to look at or something to talk about”,I think this was her reasoning and I totally get it because I go through that sometimes also. I go through stages where I feel like maybe I should not wear shorts because I might attract sexual attention. My friend gets so frustrated with me because she comes from a totally different world in a sense that her mother does not have a problem with her wearing shorts so she doesn’t understand.
I can feel myself losing momentum with this post but there are so many things we go through as women especially women of colour just because we have a vagina and we have boobs. From a young age it was drilled into you that you are female and you carry the burden of gender roles (which is something I also feel strongly about), I mean just as a side note I hate cooking or cleaning but from a young age these two things have been engrained in me and I find myself having to explain to people and even prospective baes how I will not be subjected to that when I choose to get married or commit to someone. And who said my prospects involve marriage. A man marrying me should not be dependent on my cooking skills or whatever, marry me because you love me and you want to be with me for the rest of your life and if you feel so strongly about having a home cooked meal everyday maybe you should cook it yourself.
I know there are other grave injustices directed to men or that men feel they go through but I am female and have been since the day I was born. I will talk about what I know and have experienced which is mostly this and I am typing this with so much fear some of which I experience when I share a similar message on social networks or try bring it up in conversations because now we have chosen to box people according to what they wear and can or can not do.
It is so disturbing to have to exist in a world where you constantly feel like you have to defend yourself or protect yourself. Wearing shorts does not make you “trashy”, The girls in the music videos, you know the video vixens they are not an entire representation of the female species. Misogyny is not OKAY, never has been. Men are not our makers. My role as women is not in the kitchen or scrubbing floors, that is not the purpose I am here to fulfill.
Thanks for reading